I usually have a couple of posts written in advance because I'm too ADD to just focus on one topic at a time, and today's post was supposed to be one about kinksters online but Blogspot is being funky and won't let me upload images for the screen shots. So instead, I'm going to move on to my next scheduled topic because I don't really need (or have) pictures of this.
This is going to be more of a serious message but it’s very important for anyone (especially women) who decide to try online dating. We all think we’re invincible sometimes, or more likely that all those scary things we hear about would never happen to us, but the truth is you should always be prepared and have backup.
This is going to be more of a serious message but it’s very important for anyone (especially women) who decide to try online dating. We all think we’re invincible sometimes, or more likely that all those scary things we hear about would never happen to us, but the truth is you should always be prepared and have backup.
Any time I’ve decided to meet up with a person online, I let multiple friends know where I’m going, what time, and I even send a screen shot of their profile—so it shows their picture, username and general description. It’s also always a good idea to tell a friend who happens to live by where you’ve chosen to meet, but I always tell two of my good friends because I know they’ll check in on me no matter what. **Thanks, ladies**
I’ve also started carrying pepper spray on me since a particular occasion, (Yes, I have had an actual **holy sh--, this guy is scary!** moment) and you're finally going to get some details into my personal online dating experiences. You know, the actual dating part of it.
This was my one "holy sheisse" moment on a date. I had met a young man named Josh at the Golfland/Sunsplash in Mesa for go-cart racing. It was a decent time but not too much interaction since we were in separate cars, so we decided to go bowling afterwards. It turned into a very nice evening with laughter and nice gestures. He acted silly when a little kid in the lane next to us was scared to roll his bowling ball so he would laugh. He insisted on paying for my bowling fee and put up a fight when I insisted on paying for our food and drinks.
Finally, I was getting tired and wanted to call it a night. He asked if we could go back to my place to watch a movie. Instantly, I had my defensive senses up and said that wasn't a good idea as we'd already had a very full first date and that could wait for another time. I had driven to the bowling alley so I drove us back to Golfland (by the way, I don't recommend ever joining one another in a car on the first date. This was the first and last time I've never done this.) As we said goodbye, I thought he was leaning in for a kiss and before I could decide whether or not I wanted this to occur, I realized that this was not about to be a kiss. Instead, he placed his hand "gently" -- as if this word should even be bothered to try to characterize this type of situation -- around the front of my neck and said, "Just so you know, I like to be a little dominant." Immediately, I froze up, gasping slightly and he obviously sensed my discomfort because he immediately pulled back. He quickly began explaining himself, saying that he's not really into that kind of stuff but his ex-girlfriend was and always wanted him to participate. What made him think I was like his ex-girlfriend in my bedroom preferences is BEYOND ME! Additionally, I would still find that incredibly inappropriate and especially risky to attempt even bringing up that topic verbally on a first date. All I could say as he turned remorseful and repeatedly said, "oh man, now I've messed this up," was "YUP. Now get out of my car." He tried one last attempt at an exclamation before I cut him off and just said, "Nope!" and pointed to the door handle. The second he was out of my car, my gear was in drive and I was out of there!
Least to say, I was a little frazzled. I know it's bizarre but even when his hand was lifted, I didn't exactly feel in danger. Scared, yes. Not in danger. While this 5'7" was ex-military, he was still rather scrawney and as I said before, didn't have an actual grip on me. While that could have easily changed in an instant, thankfully, it didn't, but I'm still ashamed to admit that my Fight or Flight instinct isn't even Flight but FREEZE (cause that's helpful).
The day after, he texted me a few times, even once from a different number. I didn't bother to respond until I realized he was the unknown number as well. Then, I ever so politely told him to leave me the F*** alone and just accept that this is not going to happen. I blocked him on PoF and never heard from him again. Thank goodness.
By the way, blocking someone on PoF isn't as passive as it sounds. When you block or report someone's profile, it notifes the PoF personnel that this person may have done something offensive. If they find merit within their profile or messages, they will deactivate their account, which is at least a small deterrent against these creepers.
Lessons/Tips to take away from this:
I know some of you have been waiting for me to straight up put someone on blast so I hope that story satisfied you for the time being. Next time, after Blogspot figures out its Ish, I will post screen shots of someone on PoF whom I have no problem putting on this blog without any editing, no blurring of his username, nada. Because people need to be aware and know who the hell to stay away from.
I hope your New Years Eve was fabulous and the lucky 2013 is starting off well!
Until next time,
Yours Truly
This was my one "holy sheisse" moment on a date. I had met a young man named Josh at the Golfland/Sunsplash in Mesa for go-cart racing. It was a decent time but not too much interaction since we were in separate cars, so we decided to go bowling afterwards. It turned into a very nice evening with laughter and nice gestures. He acted silly when a little kid in the lane next to us was scared to roll his bowling ball so he would laugh. He insisted on paying for my bowling fee and put up a fight when I insisted on paying for our food and drinks.
Finally, I was getting tired and wanted to call it a night. He asked if we could go back to my place to watch a movie. Instantly, I had my defensive senses up and said that wasn't a good idea as we'd already had a very full first date and that could wait for another time. I had driven to the bowling alley so I drove us back to Golfland (by the way, I don't recommend ever joining one another in a car on the first date. This was the first and last time I've never done this.) As we said goodbye, I thought he was leaning in for a kiss and before I could decide whether or not I wanted this to occur, I realized that this was not about to be a kiss. Instead, he placed his hand "gently" -- as if this word should even be bothered to try to characterize this type of situation -- around the front of my neck and said, "Just so you know, I like to be a little dominant." Immediately, I froze up, gasping slightly and he obviously sensed my discomfort because he immediately pulled back. He quickly began explaining himself, saying that he's not really into that kind of stuff but his ex-girlfriend was and always wanted him to participate. What made him think I was like his ex-girlfriend in my bedroom preferences is BEYOND ME! Additionally, I would still find that incredibly inappropriate and especially risky to attempt even bringing up that topic verbally on a first date. All I could say as he turned remorseful and repeatedly said, "oh man, now I've messed this up," was "YUP. Now get out of my car." He tried one last attempt at an exclamation before I cut him off and just said, "Nope!" and pointed to the door handle. The second he was out of my car, my gear was in drive and I was out of there!
Least to say, I was a little frazzled. I know it's bizarre but even when his hand was lifted, I didn't exactly feel in danger. Scared, yes. Not in danger. While this 5'7" was ex-military, he was still rather scrawney and as I said before, didn't have an actual grip on me. While that could have easily changed in an instant, thankfully, it didn't, but I'm still ashamed to admit that my Fight or Flight instinct isn't even Flight but FREEZE (cause that's helpful).
The day after, he texted me a few times, even once from a different number. I didn't bother to respond until I realized he was the unknown number as well. Then, I ever so politely told him to leave me the F*** alone and just accept that this is not going to happen. I blocked him on PoF and never heard from him again. Thank goodness.
By the way, blocking someone on PoF isn't as passive as it sounds. When you block or report someone's profile, it notifes the PoF personnel that this person may have done something offensive. If they find merit within their profile or messages, they will deactivate their account, which is at least a small deterrent against these creepers.
Lessons/Tips to take away from this:
- Let your friends know where you are going and when you expect to be done.
- If you want to be extra cautious, feel free to ask them to text you for check-ins every 45 min or so. It's also very affective to mention to your date, "I told my friend (whats-her-face) that we were coming here and she suggested we try the (whatever you want to order).
- Never carpool until you get at least on date 3 (that's debatable I suppose but its my rule).
- Feel free to walk a lady to her car or let a gentleman walk you to yours, but hug or say goodbyes before you unlock and open your door.
- Carry pepper spray if that makes you feel more comfortabe.
I know some of you have been waiting for me to straight up put someone on blast so I hope that story satisfied you for the time being. Next time, after Blogspot figures out its Ish, I will post screen shots of someone on PoF whom I have no problem putting on this blog without any editing, no blurring of his username, nada. Because people need to be aware and know who the hell to stay away from.
I hope your New Years Eve was fabulous and the lucky 2013 is starting off well!
Until next time,
Yours Truly
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