He's Just Not That Into You
"I mean, things have changed. People don't meet each other organically anymore. If I would like to make myself seem more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go and get a new haircut, I update my profile. That's just the way it is, you know?" -Drew Barrymore, "Mary"
Mary is absolutely right and that movie was made in 2009. Four years later, that fact has only proven itself more and more. You can't tell me that you've never secretly hoped your crush or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend will notice that witty status you posted. Or that you clearly have a great social life based on those photos of last weekend. My point exactly. Facebook, MySpace, Instagram, whatever. You're marketing yourself to your peers and the opposite sex to demonstrate why it's so great to be you and why it'd be great to know you. But I must say, some people are a little more effective in their communication than others.
For example, for the love of all that is good and healthy, STOP posting plain, repetitive statuses about getting to the gym or just checking in all the time. We get it. You're an active person. But if you must mention it, at least be clever about it. Say something more casual, like this: "I just got caught singing with my ipod and slightly dancing while on the elliptical machine in the gym. How embarrassing!" (True story...)
Well all this time I've shown you the kind of profiles men have created on dating sites like Plenty Of Fish and OkCupid, and I've critiqued how ridiculous they make themselves come across sometimes. But now, the time has come to turn the tables and see what men have to look at as future dating prospects based on how women portray themselves.
*Disclaimer* While I tried to give the guys the benefit of the doubt, I was still never very easy on them. So girls, I’m sorry, but there is not going to be any special treatment just because we share the same anatomy. In fact, it may be worse. *shrugs* Let's see.
Introducing, the male's perspective:
Sample #1: Bitches be classy!
Then we have miss "I'm too cool for pictures so I'm going to flip you off, but I'm also going to make a smoldering face while I sip from this bottle so I look sexual for the camera."
And finally the pixie in the bottom right side. Is she simulating choking herself??? Subtle way of advertising that she likes it rough? I don't know but it makes me make a face like this :/
Sample #2: "You have got to stop calling each other 'sluts' and 'whores.' It just makes it okay for men to call you 'sluts' and whores.'" Well I will when they stop acting like it.
What the hell is wrong with you girls?! Black Beauty in the top left, that is NOT a cute face. Frankly, I think it's more scary actually. Also, your boobs look fake when they're positioned like that. Miss Beyonce in the top right corner, you "soldier in the army of the Lord," do you think God enjoys seeing your big lip and cleavage pictures all over the Internet? And miss Mariah Carey in the bottom half of the collage, do you think it's sexy to pose suggestively next to children, whether they are yours or not? No, it's f-ing creepy is what it is. Say it with me, "Priorities." Are you watching those kids in the pool or posing for your future ex-boyfriend's phone background?
Sample #3: Alright, alright. Some women really are a little crazy and excessive when it comes to photo shop.
Seriously, you'll "blok" them just for not reading your whole profile? You can't even finish typing out whole words. Careful, gentlemen. She's small but she's feisty.
Those look like 2 completely different people and not just because of the hair color change. The first one looks like a poster for a movie set in the 20s. She's a pretty girl, but asking for someone as "awesome" as she is...I feel like her perfect match would be Jim Carey and all his personalities.
