Let's Be Real Here

I have received a bit of flack about my blog lately and I would just like to address the opinions I’ve heard directly one by one. But as an overall statement, let me just say, please, if you don’t like my blog, stop reading it. I won’t be offended.

One person mentioned that he saw my post on Facebook that my blog had reached over 2000 views. I replied with a celebratory “Yeah! I’m pretty excited about it.” His response held a somewhat dampening tone, asking “isn’t it just about douche bags and the douche things they do? That’s not very original.” I was a little shocked by the change of mood the conversation had suddenly put me in. But this was my response: No, my focus isn’t just to find douche bags and expose them. I like to  find anything interesting or humorous about the online dating world, especially any patterns/trends among it, as well as the bizarre and random behaviors, in order to share them publicly purely because…get this….it’s entertaining. (shocker)

I was also asked by a separate individual who was under the impression that my blog is more like an advice column that if I’m such a smarty pants of what would make online dating “successful”, then why am I still on it? I would say, Touché, if anything they had said was accurate. I do not pride myself on being an online dating connoisseur, or any kind of dating for that matter. I mean, hello…still single over here!

In fact, here is an example of how successful my dating life has been. Below is a text message from a good friend and previous suitor. I still offer up both titles because while we have become good friends and we both are aware that dating is not in the cards for us, we still flirt and depend on each other for companionship every once in a while.

I immediately laughed (yes, out loud even) when I saw this because I thought, “man, I must be doing something right if a pseudo suitor of mine wants to see me ‘sometime in the near future’.” *FAIL*

Overall, my point is this: Did I say that I was trying to win a Pulitzer Prize with my writing? No. (One person actually responded to this statement with "Good, cause you won't." Rude.) Do I think that I am enlightening the world of information previously unknown about the human population’s dating/sexual rituals? Again, no. And finally, do I just think that I am the shit when it comes to dating and should bestow upon the public my abundant knowledge? F*** no! This blog is purely for my own entertainment just as much as it is for yours. Plus, I'll be extra honest. Writing a post every week fulfills my lack of a writing position in the real world for the time being. But I am a writer nonetheless. It’s what I do. So I will continue to write about what amuses and interests me as long as I like. It’s up to you whether you want to continue reading or not.

So have a lovely day, everyone! And remember, it's all fun and games until you take yourself too seriously. Nobody likes a Serious Sally. ;)

--Quick Insert-- (That's what he said...)

I know I said I wasn't going to put together another post until after the New Year, but I just had to share this one thing with you guys. I saw it and it was too good / obvious to wait until I could put together a whole post relating to it.

Wait for it....

The Reply in my head: Thanks...you too!

But seriously...I think this guy is prettier than I am! Plus, I really like his lip gloss. I even double checked his profile. It specifically says he's interested in "women who like men." Sir, you're going to have trouble finding a woman that is secure enough in her own beauty/sexuality AND likes her MEN to look like....well, another beauty...and still have a penis. Just sayin.

One week until Christmas! Then New Years! Happy Holidays, everyone!

Silent Mime, Creepy Mime... (Holidays Edition)

As the year comes to a close (and supposedly, the world to an end in 10 days), I wanted to exit 2012 with a bang. I've been saving quite a few of these pictures to compile them to become one awesome final post of the year and to celebrate hitting 2000 views. I know that's not much to really big, popular bloggers, but it means a lot to me. It took almost 6 months to hit my first 1000 views in October. So to go from 1000 to 2000 in just two months following that is huge!

Anyways, this post is recapping the 2 best holidays of the year in my opinion: Halloween and Christmas.

 As I'm sure many of you will agree, Halloween is an awesome holiday that extends from the age of childhood onto years of promiscous college years, and even into the years in which we begin having kids of our own (hopefully by then we've cut back on the promiscuous part).

This gentleman demonstrates both sides of Halloween: childhood heroes to adult rated when he went from Superman in 2011...--->

<---To this in 2012

Well, that's definitely one way to attract attention. Can you imagine this guy dancing behind someone at a party. It'd be like costume rape! Make sure it's all consensual, sir....er...Dick?

I mean, goodness, gracious, great balls of felt material...

Our next costume participant is Mr. Super Trooper. He's very proud of his mustache-growing abilities and very white legs (that last part, I'm just assuming).

The best part about this gentleman, is that I had taken a screen shot of this photo after just stumbling across his profile by accident. TWO WEEKS later, he messaged me with the box below...







Maybe he was propositioning a union in our costumes next year. I don't know...But no, I'm not jealous, "jelly" or any other kind of perservative.

Now, I realize that this next one isn't a Halloween costume....but....it should be!

I shall call him, Thor.

Now onto Christmas! The time of year consisting of ugly sweater parties, awkward family photos and an excessive amount of alcohol (and by excessive, I mean necessary). These are by far my favorite photos capturing the spirit of the Christmas for these individuals. Sometimes, it's just about celebrating the season with your loved ones, or in the case demonstrated immediately below, with your cat.

I don't know what it is about this photo...because this guy didn't look so awkward or creepy looking in his other photos. But with the lighting throwing off the color balance and whatever the f*** got his cats attention like that...this is just an incredibly mesmorizing photo.

I don't know how Halloween got mixed into this Christmas photo but talk about a Silent Night...

Silent Mime, Creepy Mime.

Don't be calm, not in the slight....

On a different note entirely, I'm sure many of you have seen or heard of the newest online photo sensation, Grumpy Cat. If you haven't, google him immediately. I freaking love this cat. Anyways, below is my favorite adaptation of his photo/personality, and below it, is the human version.

bahahaha...



Seriously, I never would have guessed you were at a Christmas party sir. You look about as full of Christmas cheer as the Grinch before he's stolen all the Christmas decorations from the children of Whoville.

Happy Holidays everyone!

How much you wanna bet he'll be playing "Blow My Whistle" instead of Christmas carols this year?

Lies. All Lies.

I think the holidays make people a little crazy and hell-bent on finding someone to spend it with. Now, this could apply to anyone, but I’ve noticed that email traffic on the dating sites seem to be increasingly busy. First, you should know that the more you log in to the site, the more your profile shows among the random section for others to click on. So the more you log in, the better chance you have to receive messages. As you can imagine, I log in pretty frequently to see what kind of crazy things I can find. So I get messaged fairly often, but the weekend after Thanksgiving was just ridiculous! This was within less than a full day!

Above is proof that Turkey Day serves as a reminder of what it'll be like if you don't bring a date to the next family "falalalala" function. The nagging and inquisitive badgering about your singlehood just sets the tone (and a mental countdown) for the rest of the holiday season as December approaches.

But do you know what happens when people get extra desperate for someone to share the holidays with? Their messages get even stranger and even more epic. Merry Christmas to me!

This guy is good. For a second, I actually thought: “Did I forget to respond to someone? But wait, if he has my number then why didn’t he text this? And if he means I stopped responding on PoF, then our messages would be displayed above this one. Lies!” That sneaky bastard…

Then there are the ones who just make up an entirely detailed scenario just to boost your ego in hopes that flattery is the way to your heart. How did he know...?

 I’m just that awesome. What can I say?

This next example went as far as to create a photo in which women could mentally invision themselves a part of in hopes of luring them in.

Sha-la-la-la Kiss the Girl....

On a different note, I don't trust people who dish out titles very quickly. You know, like "babe," "sweetie," "honey-bear"...etc. But in this case I'll make an exception.

Finally, someone sees me as the royalty that I am!

This next message is why the expression, "sometimes you have to burn some bridges to keep the crazies from following you," exists.

D: ….thank….you….??

I swear I’ve gotten this message on both sites now.

First off, maybe you can’t get laid because you can’t spell at the age of 23. Secondly, I don’t believe you. Go to a bar, ask your best friend (of which ever gender you prefer), ask a random person from class, whatever. Perhaps you prefer the internet because there is a stronger possibility that you’ll never see the person again which could obviously be appealing if the scenario goes poorly. (ra ro) But still, if you’ve saved yourself for this long, I have trouble believing that you’re ok with just sleeping with anybody for your first time.

We are going to have to start calling the internet the World Wide Web of Lies. (Dramatic fist-raising towards the sky) Next, you're going to tell me that men are actually going to call when they say they will. That's like if I said size doesn't matter. *burn*

No, but really. If you're a foot shorter than I am, we are going to have problems. ; )