Lies. All Lies.

I think the holidays make people a little crazy and hell-bent on finding someone to spend it with. Now, this could apply to anyone, but I’ve noticed that email traffic on the dating sites seem to be increasingly busy. First, you should know that the more you log in to the site, the more your profile shows among the random section for others to click on. So the more you log in, the better chance you have to receive messages. As you can imagine, I log in pretty frequently to see what kind of crazy things I can find. So I get messaged fairly often, but the weekend after Thanksgiving was just ridiculous! This was within less than a full day!

Above is proof that Turkey Day serves as a reminder of what it'll be like if you don't bring a date to the next family "falalalala" function. The nagging and inquisitive badgering about your singlehood just sets the tone (and a mental countdown) for the rest of the holiday season as December approaches.

But do you know what happens when people get extra desperate for someone to share the holidays with? Their messages get even stranger and even more epic. Merry Christmas to me!

This guy is good. For a second, I actually thought: “Did I forget to respond to someone? But wait, if he has my number then why didn’t he text this? And if he means I stopped responding on PoF, then our messages would be displayed above this one. Lies!” That sneaky bastard…

Then there are the ones who just make up an entirely detailed scenario just to boost your ego in hopes that flattery is the way to your heart. How did he know...?

 I’m just that awesome. What can I say?

This next example went as far as to create a photo in which women could mentally invision themselves a part of in hopes of luring them in.

Sha-la-la-la Kiss the Girl....

On a different note, I don't trust people who dish out titles very quickly. You know, like "babe," "sweetie," "honey-bear"...etc. But in this case I'll make an exception.

Finally, someone sees me as the royalty that I am!

This next message is why the expression, "sometimes you have to burn some bridges to keep the crazies from following you," exists.

D: ….thank….you….??

I swear I’ve gotten this message on both sites now.

First off, maybe you can’t get laid because you can’t spell at the age of 23. Secondly, I don’t believe you. Go to a bar, ask your best friend (of which ever gender you prefer), ask a random person from class, whatever. Perhaps you prefer the internet because there is a stronger possibility that you’ll never see the person again which could obviously be appealing if the scenario goes poorly. (ra ro) But still, if you’ve saved yourself for this long, I have trouble believing that you’re ok with just sleeping with anybody for your first time.

We are going to have to start calling the internet the World Wide Web of Lies. (Dramatic fist-raising towards the sky) Next, you're going to tell me that men are actually going to call when they say they will. That's like if I said size doesn't matter. *burn*

No, but really. If you're a foot shorter than I am, we are going to have problems. ; )