You're Doing It Wrong

OK, now I know I've said this before but I really mean it. I'm sure there can't be too many specific rules as to how to get the best results in online dating. We are all online for various reasons, various types of people, various intentions etc. But I think one thing is a solid, should be obvious kind of rule. If you want to attract someone for a hookup, a date, a relationship, a future spouse, whatever, you do NOT post a significant number of photos of you and people of the opposite gender. This just can't work. And as I've said in the past, (this is directed at men) other dudes are not going to stumble upon your page and think you must be such a stud for having all these hot women in your life! Women will be looking at them thinking, why is he so proud of posing next to a bunch of other women?

The ONLY exception in which I can imagine that it might be seen as a positive to have pictures with the opposite sex (that isn't family) is this: say a guy is looking for a really easy girl (or vice versa) who he hopes won't want to commit to him anywhere along their road of rondez vous...then pictures of her posing closely, with her arms wrapped around other guys, might give off the right kind of vibe. It's more like an "insert your face here" kind of photo.

Anyways, there are so many examples that I'll just show you myself.

Do I have to state the obvious? Since this is his main photo, when its in a thumbnail version, you don't see the caption. So it just looks like his wedding.

Even if you crop the girl out, dude, the message is the same. Maybe he just really wanted a shirtless pic.

This one really didn't make sense to me. Sir, this is your online dating profile. I think you meant to post this on your Myspace or Facebook page.

Seriously?? This one was sent directly to me in a message too.

The caption on this was: "Just a friend, ladies. Not a player." If you know that's the impression it would give, why would you post it?!



 This seems to be a theme that men just aren't getting. Still don't believe me?

His caption is what makes this one a priceless.

Girls don't care if you post next to half naked women in Vegas. It's not impressive to us.

Case and point.

And then there’s the random few who you almost wonder if they’re batting for the other team because they don’t post ANY pictures with females, but rather, lots of their guy friends.

I'm not being prejudice here. I'm speaking form the perspective of a girl who totally thought some of these gentlemen were incredibly attractive....until I felt like their friends thought they were too.

So guys, if you've ever wondered why you only get messaged by the "crazies" and never the drama free, nice girls, it's because only a crazy would see those pictures and immediately want to make herself the girl in the picture with you. Normal, self-respecting girls look at those and think, um....cool? 

Crazy Boy Say What?? Part 2

I have a Special Announcement to make: You win, I caved!

This blog will now contain specimens of humanity from both PoF and OkCupid. I made a profile there too, and I must say, I'm kind of impressed. OkCupid's strategies of match making is much more apparent than PoF. OkCupid has a questions section in which you answer questions for them to match your compatibility with others. These questions range from silly to super personal, and gives you the option to display each one publicly or privately, just for compatibility measurement-sake. What I find interesting though, is while I'd expect to have more accurate success with OkCupid with that kind of method, I have yet to find a single person that I feel enough drive to really enter into conversation with.

But more about those questions before I get to the crazy messages men send. Below is the most absurd question I could find to help explain the structure of the questionaire that OC uses.

Part I: You answer the question & select if you want it viewable to the public on your profile or not
Part II: You list which answer you find acceptable from another person
Part III: You select how important that your answers resemble one another (from slightly important to mandatory)

Here is just a small sample of all the possible questions you could receive. (But you can skip over answering them if you choose.)

So we will see what this site brings forth from here on out. Aren't you excited? Because I really am. (I think that means I have no real life.)


Now onto the messages! Crazy boy say what???? Part 2



Men are pretty bold online. Check out his username. Is this the male version of the title "Disco Stick?" Also, might I add, that there are no photos of me on either profile that display my back side.

Ahahahaha! That's funny. But no. I actually never quite understood that song, even though it was a blast to dance to.

 

Some boys just can't take silence for an answer.



Hold onto your panties, ladies. We've got the most talked-about sexy man, live and virtually in our presence.

I'm sure this would cause heart palpitations for some ladies, but this just made me laugh. He combined a lot of favorites for ladies: chocolate, wine, Luke Bryan, and an invisioned romantic destination.

I was just feeling sassy on this day, so I decided to respond, and I can't lie. I loved participating in this convo, even ever so briefly. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hopefully Turkey Day will bring more pictures of holiday festivities to PoF & OC profiles! Just in time for my Holiday edition ;)

Can't Hold Me Down

Before I get started on this week's topic, I have to tell you guys that I'm almost wondering if enough friends of friends of friends have begun reading this blog and have figured out that I'm the girl writing it because lately, the quantity of material I'm finding in their ridiculous profiles AND messages is just absurd! Maybe Christmas is just coming early for Plentytodish. Speaking of which, stay tuned for a holidays edition in a week or so. :)

Anyways, the profiles that fascinate me the most (and coincidently turn me off the most for my own personal searching) are those who list their intentions as "Casual Dating / No Commitment." It just makes me wonder why they don't just go out to the bars and meet lots of willing people there. But I suppose that only works for weekends and evenings. Using a dating site, you can find a potential booty call 24/7!

That's the spirit, PoF. You're like 7/11. "You may not always be doing business, but you're always open." (Anyone who understands that reference has an A in my book.)

Anyways, I find these profiles so interesting because they are ansolutely free to post the most obnoxious things, because they've already relayed the message that they don't really care if you stick around or what you think of them on a deeper level. Therefore, they can be as crass as they want. So if you still message or reply to them, they're golden!

So I’ve taken the best excerpts from the various sections of a profile and listed them below to create the best combined profile of those only seeking casual dating/ no commitment on PoF.

Usernames:

Tubesock**

.sneak.**

SexyCologne**

Most_Precious_Blood** - he must be a Malfoy

Profile Photos:

"Obligatory" shirtless with a defined V picture

Modeling underwear pic

Catchphrases:               

They call me Plan B

Thugs get lonely too

Looking for sexy lady to play golf

In Tempe, AZ until this afternoon

Marital Status:

Living together - I'm sorry...what?? Who are you living with that is important enough to mention on here, but whom which you're not actually in a relationship with?

Fish personality:

Barracuda -  sounds about right...

Longest Relationship:

(Say what?)

ah, ha ha ha ha!

Interests:

“You and her”

“My deer lady our connection my rider” –say what???

"sex" - gee, you think?

About me:

“If a game is on, don’t bother me!”

"I'm new to Phoenix show me a good time?"

I don't think hashtags are necessary in blogging but if they were, this one would be mine: #thisiswhatyouregettingyourselfinto

Scandalous

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by what I'm about to share with you, but it just didn't occur to me that this was a viable option in online dating. I'm given the option to browse through the profiles of my listed gender of interest (men). That means I am listed as a random option to peruse through for anyone who lists "female" in their interest settings...whether they're a man or a woman. (I forgot, this isn't ChristianMingle.com) But I think it's pretty cool for an online dating site that isn't exclusively Christian or exclusively for the gay community to open it's digital doors to people of all preferences.

Anyways, I'm sure you can see where this is going. I was messaged by a female for the first time since joining this site back in May. I am the last person to be offended by an approach of the same gender, but I guess it just opened my eyes to the possibilities of PoF's settings' features.

I don't have any screen shots of that example but don't worry, this post is not lacking in photos at all. The girl was 21 at the time, in a relationship with a man, looking to find an “adventurous girl to hang out” with her bf and herself. What’s ironic is she looks like a friend of mine, who happens to be a lesbian, with her short pixie haircut. But her boyfriend looks like a slightly plumper Steve Carrell. Ew. Even if I was into girls, and this girl in particular, the boyfriend would be a no go.

Anyways, that original example was back in June. Well, last week, I received not one, but two messages from a couple of ladies. However, they supposedly had different intentions, but I'm not sure if I buy it.

Ms. Brown's message was very brief and to the point.

 Well that's very flattering Ms. Brown, but no, I'm not. But I did find something that I think is interesting. I have a general rule of thumb when I browse through a man's pictures (and I've been told by a few guy friends that they share the same sentiments when viewing girl's profiles). We also covered this in a post about "What not to put in your photo album." And that rule is that if someone is looking for a relationship, it does not bode well to post scandalous or just plain revealing pictures if you want to be taken seriously. Well Ms. Brown has posted that her intention for being on the site is to find a relationship. Other than her profile pic, this is the general view in each of her photos...

You know how I know that I'm not bi? I looked at this picture and thought: "cute panties!" Not "rockin body!"

Then there is Ms. Megs, (who in my opinion looks like T. Swift in her profile picture) who says she is seeking new friends as she just moved here for a job and doesn't know anybody. Very possible, but I still thought it was a strange approach. Or maybe she's just really innovative. :/

Now, the above were just the more awkward examples of this post due to pure circumstance. Mainly that I'm not bisexual and I don't know how I feel about finding "new friends" particularly online. From here on out, the examples are directly intentional requests of what are definitely less conventional appetites.

This next fellow angered me quite a bit, without saying anything that was directly offensive. I'm not surprised that this goes on in the online dating world, but I definitely DON'T want to be a part of it. Meet "Mr. I can't spell & have no dignity whatsoever" (but I digress) : Discreet guy

But you know what is more interesting than a man using online media to cheat on his wife? How about men who convince their women to join in on the fun! That's right. Twice now, I've been propositioned to join couples, one married and one just in a committed relationship. (in this case, should committed be in quotation marks?) These are the couples. Can you tell how badly I wanted to join them?

married couple

Girl of committed relationship

Guy of committed relationship

Side Note: both the guy & girl from the committed relationship felt the need to specify that their photos were a couple months old...that makes me worried that they haven't taken a better picture since...meaning their physical condition hasn't necessarily improved, but instead could possibly have devolved since the time of these photographs. Now, I'm not saying they're horribly unattractive...but....no. Na no. That is my answer. Too mean? Maybe. Do I care behind the veil of my blog? Nope.

Anyways, like I said, specifically with the married couple, the husband has clearly convinced his wife into thinking this is a great idea for their marriage. This is how I came to my conclusion...

It is written from his perspective, his wife is not bisexual, she just wants "a friend, confidant and wife type friend." Is anyone else reminded of the show Big Love right now? Or maybe red necks would call her "sister wife." Man, I must have taken an offensive pill today...or maybe it's just in conjunction with this whole Scandalous theme...

Strange Requests: (yes, there's more...)

I could have sworn that I had already posted about this man before but I couldn't find it when I glanced through old posts. Either way, this is very fitting for this week's theme so I'll post it again.

This one was just weird...but it definitely made the Halloween season a little more comedic. I saw a genie (that's how its actually spelled, by the way) costume at a SPIRIT store and definitely had to giggle.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Scandalous PoF. I'm sure there will be Part 2 and 3 over time. :)

Riddle Me This

I often hear (or read) in first-contact-messages from fellows that "it's always hard figuring out what to say when you message someone first," and I'll admit, I've gotten stuck a few times too. So it's important to pay attention to how people message you and how you feel when you read it to better gauge which approaches come across best.

Well here's a creative approach that I had never considered before. Tell a joke. I proabably wont put it into practice but I find it humorous nonetheless. In fact, I actually really love it when I receive a message from someone that in its entirety is just a riddle question or a good joke. I think it's a very clever approach because if I can't figure out the riddle, I'll totally ponder whether I want to message them back to tell me the answer.

When I began writing this post and putting together the screen shots around Mid-October, I didn't feel that I had enough content. So I started a little experiment. I have nothing incredibly direct on my PoF profile that says what I like or want in a man (hm...that could be my problem?) so I decided, for the sake of this upcoming post, lets try an experiment. So I put in my profile on the last line, just this simple sentence: "Also, I really like jokes and riddles." And the response was.... Therefore, I will divi up this post into the before and after experiment so that you can see how many men thought this approach would work on their own and how many tried this tactic after my ploy.

Part 1: Before The Bait

Early October, I showed this riddle in particular to my friend, Chelsea, and it was so funny how she absolutely refused to close out of the app untl she figured it out. Finally, she settled for Googling it. But I couldn't help but think that this guy seriously almost warranted a response from us that day. In fact, I think that tactic would work on a lot of girls.

Can you figure it out?

I'll give the guy props for originality as he was one of the first to send me a riddle. He also gets a 7/10 points for choosing a rather interesting riddle.

This next guy, Yuri, is one of my favorites. He hasn't written me in a while (probably because I've never responded--maybe I should let him know how much I enjoy his jokes). Now, I fear it may be the end of Yuri Story Time, so instead I'll just relive them by sharing them with you.

Funny & Insightful.

Yuri definitely gets a 10/10 for effort and for having a sense of variety in his joke-telling.
Then there are a few bad joke tellers and I wonder, why decide to use the tactic of joke if it's not going to be a good one? How strange...but maybe that's why you're single. : /

This definitely receives a 0 (on a 1-10 scale...that's pretty bad!) Better luck next time, sir. Maybe buy a joke book before you send a message.

Part 2: After The Bait

A couple of gentlemen have been awarded an automatic 3 points for reading my whole profile and noticing the line where I said I like jokes and riddles. Here is what they came up with:

Thankfully, I was in the car with my cousin Emrie when I received this one and she knew the answer right away (she's the brain in the family). The answer is: a towel. Total score: 8

These were actually pretty cute. Plus he put in the effort to offer multiple. See ladies, ask and you shall receive. Well, maybe this isn't the strongest case for that argument in what to do in a relationship. But nonetheless, total score: 7 (because he didn't have an actual message with his riddles.)

I had to Google the answer and I don't get it. It's: a kiss. Total score: 5

I don't particularly like Blonde Jokes, maybe because I very often am a blonde so I feel like you should judge your audience. Plus this was just a bad joke in general. Total score: 4

What did you think of their riddles? Do you have any better ones?

Real or Fake?

Ok, so I'm on Facebook and I'm just about to close out of the window when I saw this ad along the side banner. I am absolutely positive that this guy is on PlentyOfFish.com, which leads me to wonder if FB reps just decided that he has the face of a poster boy? Or is he really just that for both sites: a poster boy?

Conspiracy, I tell you.

Also, continuing the theme of "real or fake," but on a complete side note: I have pretty consistent numbers showing readers in countries like Russia, Germany, France, and a few others. I only know one person in Germany, but not Russia or France. So I'm curious, how did you stumble upon this site? Are you actually real people?? lol The most recent additions are China and Denmark! Welcome!

If you're from another country and you read this, please post a comment below with your first name and tell me how you found PlentyToDish. Thanks!

Do I Know You?--

--No, you've just been stalking my PoF profile long enough to recognize me in public. Scary, creeper man...

No, but really, this kind of actually happened. I was hanging out with my friend, Amanda, and we went to Walmart to get a few snacks for our movie night. By the time we were back at my apartment settling in to push Play, I received a message from a guy on PoF asking if I'd just been at Walmart, as he thought he saw me down the adult beverage aisle. As I glanced over at my newly opened bottle of wine, this is the face I made -->  :0  Yes, a panic-stricken ghost face.

While I'm sure the guy meant no harm, I don't think he realized how creepy that seemed. Plus, as I understand it, online dating is supposed to broaden your spectrum of people you may not otherwise run into. But if you actually run into a woman that you find attractive...why would you email them? Here's an alternative, TALK TO THEM IN PERSON. Just saying...

Due to the awkward circumstances, I didn't reply back to him.

However, I apparently have a twin out there...I'm really bummed that I don't have the screen shot any more but I was messaged a month or so ago asking if I worked at a specific Subway location? My suggestion to you, sir, is before you ask such a presumputious question, maybe you should check out my Occupation Info to confirm or deny your suspicsions. Mine reads: "Marketing Manager"...now would the MM of Subway be making you a sandwich? I think not.

On to the next sighting of my potentially evil twin...

Geez...imagine his conversing skills if he had tried to talk to "me" Friday night after a few beers?

And no, for those of you who are wondering, I wouldn't be caught dead in Vintage...Any more. Don't judge me... We all had our college days.

Now that mistake I don't mind!

Speaking of running into people you don't actually know, what about the probability of virtually running into someone you DO know? Oh, it's happened. -- I mean, it happened to a friend of mine.

Most Awkward Run-Ins

Actual Scenario #1: You meet someone from the site and begin casually dating. After date three, he deletes his profile. Soon after, you end things when you realize he’s really not that into you as a person, just your physicality. A month later, you click on a “new” person’s profile that looks interesting and turns out he has made a new one! ...well, Hey there Blitz**!  ;) (Damn, now I’ve been unjustifiably caught by the “Recently Viewed You” list! I didn’t mean to cross paths with you again, I swear.)

Actual Scenario #2: Stumbling upon the profile of your friend’s attractive older brother…eek! Obviously there is no harm in looking it over but anything further would have to depend on how close that friend is. In this case, this friend is really just an acquaintance so no permission is really needed. Plus, he just moved to Poland so really what can he do about it? :)

Actual Scenario #3: You know that guy you met ages ago because he's a friend of one of your good friends?(wait...what? exactly.) Well, you met him, instantly fell for his gorgeous smile, and then was introduced to his blonde skinny girlfriend. Awesome. But wait! Don't fret! You don't know it now but you will one day run into him on an online dating site. Win! He's obviously single. Now to message him: "Hey I don't know if you remember me..." Yeah, that conversation is not gonna happen.