Just Some Extras until I figure out how to post on an iPad

I like this girl. She keeps it real.

Nothing says BFFs like a butt pic side by side.

But in all seriousness you haven't lived until you find someone online who is just so mature and considerate and...in to spankings?

One Fish, Two Fish, Smart Fish, Dumb Fish

What makes two people of equal attractiveness stand apart from one another? Personality. You could be the most gorgeous girl in the world, but if you have a snarky attitude, a guy isn't going to like you (unless he's snarky too. Then you two belong together. Have fun!) Or guys, you could have the six pack and the gorgeous buff arms to get that girl's attention, but if you don't have any real ambition in life, a self-motivated girl isn't going to be interested for long.

This seems to be a very hard thing for people to grasp sometimes so I'm going to break it down for you...YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU PORTRAY.

The reason I bring this up is because I've been shocked as to how women are choosing to present themselves for online dating. So many of them are straight out rude and trying to put the guys in their place before they could have possibly offended them.

We all want to be treated well and not be taken advantage of, but for God sakes, be respectful!

Honey, if you respond to his message, that should be a pretty good indicator that you're interested. But hey, what do I know. If you respond and you're kind to him, of course you're not attracted to him!

But really, how do you expect to enter into a positive, healthy relationship with this kind of attitude?

"Get In Line"

And this girl just keeps on going...

There is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Everyone appreciates and respects a confident person. However, a cocky person, let's face it...everyone just wants them to be put in their place. In fact, even people who are unjustifably cocky are annoying (probably moreso) because it's not attractive to be condescending or rude.

This next example just made me put my face in my hands...

I believe that when it comes to a woman's size, it's best to quote Carrie Bradshaw: "It isn't about the weight. You would be beautiful at any size. But are you happy?"

Apparently not.

Oh, she's confident, alright. A little too confident....but apparently not happy.  Seriously, how do expect to attract someone this way? You're not smiling, there is not a drop of makeup behind those glasses to even simulate that you care to look presentable, you're not wearing a bra, so the girls don't look too perky either, and yet you have the caption: "What do you think?" What do I think? I think you need a reality check.

Then there are the girls who choose to display a more "damsel in distress" approach in their negative nancy profiles.

"Are there any real men?" Not "Is." Ugh.

But if you found someone online whom you thought could be someone special, how far would you go for love?

 Wow. That's pretty impressive, I'd say.

And then, there's this guy.

For those non-Arizona natives, Tempe and Mesa are neighbors. Mesa is rather large, but at least find out which corner of Mesa the girl is in before you give up!

As you can see, we have some real winners here in Arizona. Hopefully your luck with online dating has been more fortunate than that of the people above. Have a great week!

-Yours Truly

Introducing The Male Perspective

For those of you who think you're above online dating, think again. This is one of my favorite quotes from a classic movie that I think every girl should see.

He's Just Not That Into You
"I mean, things have changed. People don't meet each other organically anymore. If I would like to make myself seem more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go and get a new haircut, I update my profile. That's just the way it is, you know?" -Drew Barrymore, "Mary"

Mary is absolutely right and that movie was made in 2009. Four years later, that fact has only proven itself more and more. You can't tell me that you've never secretly hoped your crush or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend will notice that witty status you posted. Or that you clearly have a great social life based on those photos of last weekend. My point exactly. Facebook, MySpace, Instagram, whatever. You're marketing yourself to your peers and the opposite sex to demonstrate why it's so great to be you and why it'd be great to know you. But I must say, some people are a little more effective in their communication than others.

For example, for the love of all that is good and healthy, STOP posting plain, repetitive statuses about getting to the gym or just checking in all the time. We get it. You're an active person. But if you must mention it, at least be clever about it. Say something more casual, like this: "I just got caught singing with my ipod and slightly dancing while on the elliptical machine in the gym. How embarrassing!" (True story...)

Well all this time I've shown you the kind of profiles men have created on dating sites like Plenty Of Fish and OkCupid, and I've critiqued how ridiculous they make themselves come across sometimes. But now, the time has come to turn the tables and see what men have to look at as future dating prospects based on how women portray themselves.

*Disclaimer* While I tried to give the guys the benefit of the doubt, I was still never very easy on them. So girls, I’m sorry, but there is not going to be any special treatment just because we share the same anatomy. In fact, it may be worse. *shrugs* Let's see.

Introducing, the male's perspective:

Sample #1: Bitches be classy!

 So we have the top portion of the photo dedicated to a woman's B&B's (boobs and booty). I guess she's demonstrating that she had both junk in the trunk AND her....dashboard? I couldn't think of a good car reference. Sorry.

Then we have miss "I'm too cool for pictures so I'm going to flip you off, but I'm also going to make a smoldering face while I sip from this bottle so I look sexual for the camera."

And finally the pixie in the bottom right side. Is she simulating choking herself??? Subtle way of advertising that she likes it rough? I don't know but it makes me make a face like this :/

Sample #2: "You have got to stop calling each other 'sluts' and 'whores.' It just makes it okay for men to call you 'sluts' and whores.'" Well I will when they stop acting like it.

What the hell is wrong with you girls?! Black Beauty in the top left, that is NOT a cute face. Frankly, I think it's more scary actually. Also, your boobs look fake when they're positioned like that. Miss Beyonce in the top right corner, you "soldier in the army of the Lord," do you think God enjoys seeing your big lip and cleavage pictures all over the Internet? And miss Mariah Carey in the bottom half of the collage, do you think it's sexy to pose suggestively next to children, whether they are yours or not? No, it's f-ing creepy is what it is. Say it with me, "Priorities." Are you watching those kids in the pool or posing for your future ex-boyfriend's phone background?

Sample #3: Alright, alright. Some women really are a little crazy and excessive when it comes to photo shop.

Seriously, you'll "blok" them just for not reading your whole profile? You can't even finish typing out whole words. Careful, gentlemen. She's small but she's feisty.

Those look like 2 completely different people and not just because of the hair color change. The first one looks like a poster for a movie set in the 20s. She's a pretty girl, but asking for someone as "awesome" as she is...I feel like her perfect match would be Jim Carey and all his personalities.

 I hope you all enjoyed the first glimpse into online dating from the male perspective. Tune in next week for more insight to the ladies of PoF & OkCupid. 

-Yours Truly 

Celebrity Online Dating - Who Are You Really?

So I found this article a while back about Adele when she was first getting famous. She admitted to having a profile on EHarmony but for obvious reasons, she was unable to post any pictures of herself. So she graciously admits that she didn’t experience much interaction. But it leaves me to wonder, did she try to hint at who she might be? I mean, she was probably honest in some ways, right? Here’s what I’d imagine:

Or maybe it wasn't even that subtle. Maybe it straight out said, "Hobbies include sitting at my piano writing about the ex love of my life, and attending award shows."

Ok, maybe she wasn’t that honest. But the point is, can we read into someone’s subtle hints in their profile? What would it actually be saying to us? Let’s attempt to decode, shall we?

Rich….Cash….not too hard to read into that one! (sing along) Money money money money….MONEY! It also makes me wonder if it’s McCullough Culken in disguise. (Richie Rich...anyone?)

Now, I doubt that this guy is famous, but he just seems like he'd be bad news bears to play Uno with.

Point of the story is, if you see a profile photo that looks like this:

Or this:



Or this:



Be aware. It happens. I mean, just ask Adele. "We could have had it all...."

To read the article on Adele's online dating experience, click below. 

 

http://music.yahoo.com/photos/celebs-who-tried-online-dating-slideshow/

 

 

-Yours Truly

How To Pick Up On Girls 101 - The Sarcastic Version

How To Pick Up On Girls 101

1. Find a common interest

(I mentioned on my profile that I'd like to travel to a few places on the east coast.)



I can think of lots of reasons. Maybe I like snow, history, old architecture. You don't know me!

2. Tell the girl you are interested in about her likeable qualities.

3. Make sure your intentions are clear without being too serious about it right off the bat.

Wait...what?

4. Also, I know we've covered this, but there really is a strong difference between cute and clever pick up lines, and just weird concerning ways to begin a two-way conversation (assuming that's what you're aiming for...)

For example, Cute:



  Also Cute:

Lame:

Awkward:

Weird, but funny:

Funny, I don't remember getting married or having an animal named Fluffy, but I will certainly take Fiji!

But really, I guess there can be no wrong or right way to hit on a lady. I mean, you're going to attract what's similar to you (hopefully) so just be yourself and the right match will work out. And all the wrong ones...well, you might end up on here. (Sorry that I'm not sorry).

One of the funniest convos I've had was when I received a message while at a friend's house and I read it to her. It sounded familiar. This is what unfolded:

(I'm "S-----" and he's "khjohn----")

3 people who happen to be friends received the same message...obviously it's very likely that a hundred girls from all over the place probably received it as well. Busted.

The real kicker of online dating is that it keeps score for you, like you're playing a popularity game with yourself and you win everytime you get an ego boost. I never get used to this little box (this was within 2 hours):

WHAT??? What do people do online all day? Oh, wait...lol

Well, as of just before I clicked Publish on this post, the blog was at exactly 2,900 viewers. We are so close to 3,000 views that I can almost taste it! And tomorrow is my birthday so lets see if I get a birthday present just in time. ;) Click and share, people. Click and share.

-Yours Truly

Flash Back ~ Video Evidence!

Hello world! It's a rainy day here in Arizona which doesn't happen often but when it does, it tends to make people just want to stay in their pajamas and be lazy. Well I can't really do that right now as I have to work but perhaps it'll pass for an excuse as to why I'm being slightly lazy and re-sharing older information but with a twist!

Back in October (freaking forever ago, I know) I mentioned a PoF user named John that messaged me with an offer of references. Well I took him up on those references  and in the post that followed, I gave you all a tid-bit of what those convos sounded like but... now I'm excited to announce that my friends finally became technologically savvy enough to post the videos we filmed of those conversations on YouTube!

Flash Back:

Oct 8th: Real Creepers Come With References

 This is John. He offers references to young ladies such as myself to make himself appear to be a more eligible bachelor, despite being of an older age. Now he’s no senior citizen, but 43 is not typically in the range of girls in their early to mid 20s. All I had to do was say that references were an interesting approach to take and suddenly I received a list of friends AND exes! – Whom could “vouch” for him.

Well, believe it or not, I called each of his references on speaker phone while two friends sat beside me filming the whole ordeal. It was quite hilarious.
Most notable about these references was their age range. They were not all my age as he indicated in his initial message above. However, two of his exes were still a decent number of years younger than him, which makes sense if he wants to prove his eligibility for someone my age. However, what can a 16-year-old-boy that he’s known for a little over a year, really say in respect of his character?? In this particular case, not very much. In fact, the kid basically sold him out.
Ryan – “He’s nice. He (John) hits on any girl that moves, but he’s nice.”
Even his two closest friends seemed to reveal crucial information, even in their best attempts to defend their buddy. Jessa and Derek happen to be riding in the car together when I called, making it easy to speak to them simultaneously. When I asked them if John could be described as a gentleman, they responded with: “He is in his own way." Apparently, he comes across as "rough" and "obnoxious” but really is "nice at heart." I believe we have a winner, girls! ;)
Once I gather those videos from the girls...they will be all yours for the viewing. :)


So now, you have access to these videos in their raw state. I hope that you'll forgive the giggling and the lack of editing but I don't have the proper programs to make thi ssuper pro-status footage. I have two of the three phone calls recorded. Honestly, the whole idea just fell into my lap and the project just escalated from there. And thankfully, two of my friends were silly/eager enough to take it on with me. Also, take note of the martini glass on the table (filled with only orange juice of course) ;) Also, enjoy the insiders view of my apartment and my lazy-day attire. You're Welcome!

This is the video of the first phone call with John's ex-girlfriend, Destiny.

What a cute still shot, right? ^^^

I think my favorite quotes from this were  "He talks online a lot with younger girls because he's up late at night" (Awkward....) and "He's pretty good with the bearded dragons" (omg...you're killing me!).

In case you couldn't hear a lot of what was above, here was our discussion of what took place.

The next video captures the failed call of John's friend, Derek, and the successful phone call with Ryan, who is one of John's customers and now friend...even though he's 16!

Like I said before, Ryan totally sold poor John out to be a creeper.

I hope you enjoyed this post and all of our silly facial expressions. I'm not sure if I'll do something like this again but you always gotta try something new, right? For no other reason than to just have a silly Sunday with two of your girlfriends. :)

-Yours Truly

Love Is In The Air...It's Rather Rude Actually

What is the center point of our lives? If you're thinking your career (making that $$money$$) or your hobbies, you're lying to yourself. It's Love. Why else would thousands...hundreds of thousands...maybe millions (OK you get the point, a lot of friggin online users.) go through tireless efforts to find "true love?" Watch any movie trailer and 95% of the time, there will be at least some aspect of love or romance in it. Even in the true action/masculine movies, Bond gets the girl and *spoiler alert* Django rescues his woman from her captors. The point is, Love is everywhere. But because our world has become so consumed with career driven/hard working and sisterhood of the traveling pants kind of people, it's not easy finding time to actually stop and meet new people (and continue one on one communication). Hence the birth of online dating! So whether you like it or not, it's pretty much guaranteed that you will get love shoved in your face from time to time. Even Facebook wants a piece of that pie. But not to capitalize on it of course, just because they're genuinely interested in your love life's well-being.

Online dating sounds simple enough. You find a profile that interests you in a person and you message them with a few words or send them an image of a rose (yes, it happens). However, so often, when you really like the profile on your screen and go to click the "message" button, it's so easy to absolutely freeze. What the hell are you gonna say that's both original and direct but not creepy?  Well, this guys approach certainly didn't work...

Unique, yes. Relevant? Not so much.

But you have to at least give the guy credit for trying. This poor fella below chickened out before I even had a chance to read his message that very day.

Then there are the people who make it easy to break the ice by opening that humorous can of worms before you even message them. You're damn straight I clicked on a profile solely because this was its main picture...

By the way, this isn't at all what he looks like. I almost messaged him to tell him how awesome he was for having this kind of sense of humor.

Another example: although it's a little more strange considering he's 30 years old, that's almost what makes it so awesome.

zooming in....

yesss.....

This is probably an obvious statement, but I absolutely hate this actually very common approach to "first messaging"...it's the rude/jackass/I'm a dick approach.

Why yes, sir. I'm bat shit crazy. You probably don't want to mess with me. ---- It just assumes that something is wrong with me and that is why I'm single.

At least this guy gave me the out of possibly putting the blame on the opposite gender (example below) instead of just me, but it's still a little ridiculous. Maybe I just haven't met a person who I click with. Maybe I'm shy. Either way. Rude.

Now, enter the sleazeball:

Should I be flattered by this? This just gives me an awkward image of talking to this guy and all he can do is stare south of my face. Then he slowly reaches out to touch just one and *SMACK*! mwahahaha

I'm also concerned that a few of PoF users are bipolar...This started off so promising and sweet and then...

How cheap and dirty does this sound to you? It definitely made me wear my sad/shocked face when I finished reading the message. How disappointing, right? And kinda creepy. Essentually what he is saying is: "I want to admire you from an impersonal distance."

This last message wasn't really as much douchy as it was just bizarre and unexpected.

I responded to Jim to tell him about the many place Tempe, AZ has to offer, like Four Peaks Brewery, a few good spots on Mill Ave, hiking & activity places etc. Then he replied, "Thanks!" and that's it. I feel used. lol

Finally, Happy Valentine's Day / Singles Awareness / Post Desperation Day! I hope you all take the time to spend the day with someone you love (or at least like a lot) like a partner or good friend or family.

But before you go, I thought I'd share a photo that makes me think that Brad Pitt and Zoolander got together to make a child...

-Yours Truly