Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Rules (Or Just Insight) Into POF Dating

These are some general rules and trends I've noticed in these past two months of fishing. 

1. There is an overabundance of military men on this site, both current and post-active duty, which makes sense as I’m sure it can be difficult meeting people of variety with that lifestyle.
2. There are also a significant number of body builders on this site, which DOES NOT make sense to me. Who are you going to find online that is secure enough in their body image to date you and that vein that keeps looking at me through your pictures? Wouldn’t you be better off pursuing someone you meet at your body building….what are they? Conventions? Competitions? Tupperware parties? Whatever.
3. It’s just awkward when you include “lover” in your username…no matter what. No exceptions.
4. You will frequently stumble upon photos of men displaying their manliness. In particular, I've noticed lots men posting pictures of them holding giant fish they have caught (presumably on a fishing pole in a boat). Fish are the new trucks, I guess.
5. You may encounter couples in search of someone to join them for a threesome. Proceed as you wish.
6. It is rare, but there have been a few official Sugar Daddy sightings.
7. No matter how much we want it to, the “bathroom mirror pic” isn’t going away.
8. Junk pictures are not ok! Even if you’re not looking for a committed relationship, it can’t exactly spark your interest to know that EVERYONE has seen what they bring to the table.
9. The ever popular saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover” is completely irrelevant in the online dating world. Viewers have every right to judge you at least a little bit by your “cover”, or what is possibly better known as the Username.
And from the last rule, comes this post’s edition of “The Weekly Catch”!

Usernames, in my opinion, are like virtual license plates. Usually they are straight forward because they literally spell out a whole word or phrase, unlike real license plates that have a 7-character limitation. But even still, usernames can be a mystery. Even if it’s written there in plain English, sometimes a girl has got to ask herself, what the hell does that mean? Or we will try to interpret the significance behind those specifically chosen words.
 I promise, I’m not trying to read into these usernames so much as to try and build this entire persona behind it.  But I think people should be aware of the slew of thoughts that actually come to an outsiders mind after seeing their username for the first time. It may not just be the cool, suave alias you imagined it to be. See the following examples:
Hotblunt69
                So you like to get high and then….op. Is that really what you wanted me to think about?
Tangerinediesel
                I just imagine this guy sitting in a huge tangerine-colored truck, looking pompous enough to let you know you’ll be making a mistake if you dare call his truck “orange”.
Passion_master
                You somehow managed to make a username that is more awkward than just the usual “lover007”. Congratulations. And yes, lover007 actually exists.
STFU.Don**
                My first thought was, “well that’s just rude.”
Sohotrightnow
                Ok, this is a rare example of a good-thought provoking username. Anyone from our generation should know where this came from.  I had to give this guy kudos because I immediately read it in Will Ferrell’s voice, pictured Owen Wilson and actually laughed out loud.
Vanillapepperoni
                You’re plain and safe, with a fire-y kick?
ZombieMonkey
                Of all things, you chose a monkey to picturesquely become zombified in my imagination? What about a lion or a bear? Something already incredibly more intimidating. I personally like monkeys, so I can’t decide if that image would make the previously cute animal be that much cooler or that much more terrifying.
VoraciousReader
                Obviously with that kind of diction!
Wethepeople1
                You’re a super big fan of US history, clearly. And in particular, of the Preamble of the US Constitution.
To conclude this week’s post, I’d like to take Wethepeople1’s inspiration and share this with you:
“We the People of Plenty of Fish, in order to form a more perfect union, establish only a slightly modified version of who we are in our profiles, insure that others can’t see our flaws from the angle in which our pictures are taken, provide entertainment for the common public, promote the bathroom mirror pic, and secure the right to be ridiculous online, do ordain and establish this material for the Plenty To Dish Blog.”
Go ahead, judge me all you want. For I am not exempt from my own rules and I thoroughly enjoyed writing that. :) Happy Fishing! 

Friday, June 15, 2012

A Rant Before The Rave of Newest Messages

So I have never intended to put people on blast for anything in their messages or profiles, because I don’t really care. To each, his own. But some people are straight up rude! Here is what happened: I have written in one section of my profile that I think “humor is a must” in relationships and also that “I appreciate correct grammar.” I go on to explain that what I mean by that is most likely, I will not respond to a message that looks like this, “hey gurl, how u doin. Hmu sum time.” Those of you who know me, are any of you surprised by this? Anyways, so I received this message the other day:

Fib Gib****: “ ‘Humor is a must. I appreciate correct grammar.’ Damn you sound cold as hell. Those two sentences should not be next to each other. Man just read yo thang, damn. I’d rather date the terminator. Or maybe you are the terminator. Damn.”

What’s ironic is in his profile, he goes on and on about appreciating people for who they are and that he wouldn’t want to change them to be somebody they’re not just for him. Then why would you go out of your way to insult me and my profile??

Another example of a pompous (fill in title of choice) is gjantz**. This is the second message I received from him:

“You do realize going for the hottest guy’s is going to get you used and cheated on right? Or have you not learned that yet…”

He’s just upset that I didn’t respond to his first message, which was this, by the way:

“Damn, I would so RAIL you…Uh…I mean. DAMN! You’re really PRETTY! How did your day go miss picky girl?”

            Apparently, this guy doesn’t know there’s a backspace button. And I don’t know how earned the name “picky girl”? But how many girls would respond to this message? I mean,, come on.

Besides, his logic is ridiculous if not offensive. Because only pretty people cheat in relationships or use other people. Duh!

I’m probably scaring away any of you who’ve ever considered online dating. That’s not my intention. There are definite creepers and jerks, but there are also plenty of perfectly nice gentlemen. You just have to know how to sort through them and learn to laugh at the bad ones.

But really, this whole experience has been kind of like virtual people watching. Like when you see someone wearing something ridiculous in public? Or they just say something really stupid? You want to say, did anybody see that?! Well, don’t worry, I’ve saved all the crazy, bottled it up, and reposted it here just for you. J

Interracial Perks:
Jk*******: “Would this nice eggroll have a shot with you? I do nails btw :)

The Booty Calls:
Bigjoe3434: “Hey!! What would you do if you knew I have an 11 inch c***”
           
            Sir, I would run. Far, far away.

Tech91: “I would do unforgivable things to get the chance to spend a night with you and fold your body like clean laundry.”

            The visual this provided is enough to concern me.

Insecure Sexter:
Mico****: “If you would love to be naughty with me and share your thoughts, text me ***-***-****, if not don’t reply I don’t need criticism, Michael :)

Marriage proposals:
Americanhero: hey….will you marry me?

                Straight to the point: kudos. But that took absolutely no effort: fail.

OhHaiDur: You’re absolutely perfect! I’m kidnapping you and taking you to Paris to get married…What kind of ring to you want? ;)

                Now we’re talking! ; )

Most persistent
SportsFax2428: 7 messages without a response, varying from “hi” to “I’m still waiting for you to let me get to know you so I can eventually take you on a date”

                Crazy obsessed emailer, stop messaging me!

Most Random Award
CBorelli823:
                Hey.
                I’m Chris
                I’m not a pedophile.
                I own a panda suit.
                Cookies make me happy.
                I really want to meet the creators of a majority of 90s shows and ask what the fuck they were on.
                Join me?

Yes, Panda man! I will join you in our animal suits as we eat sweets and drill television producers about their questionable motives!

Until next time! Happy Fishing!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Best & Worst "Catch Phrases" Round 1

"Catch phrases" are what I call the headline below a person's profile picture.

Ezmoney****: “need a open minded woman”
            I’ve only been on this site for 2 months, but I’ve learned that when a guy posts he wants an open minded girl, he doesn’t exactly mean someone who is accepting of other people’s opinions and viewpoints, or even understanding of their personal baggage. He usually means a girl who is open to a certain level of crazy in the bedroom.

Bigblue********: “Its Saturday and I’m board. Lets do something”
            Ok. I’ll bring over a spelling book and quiz you. Sound fun?

Phoenician*****: “I GOT THIS LOVE IN MY HEART…”
I just found this interesting because in his profile picture, his shirt has the image of his own face in the center of his chest. So you mean you have a love for yourself, huh?
           
MechEddie***: “’I’m so mean I make medicine sick’ –Ali”
            Well that’s unnerving. Or at the very least, not very welcoming to the female gender.

Someguy****: “plenty of fish, but looking for my Nemo!”
I’m pretty sure Nemo wasn’t a love story. So unless you’re looking for your lost son with a gimp hand…well I don’t think you’d find him here anyways.

AZRed**: “I might be weird, but I’m not a douche-canoe”
            A what???

Russdogg**: “I’m a catch to be displayed. Lol”
            So you want to be someone’s arm candy? Well he definitely isn’t a bad looking guy.

Slappy*****: “no thanks not right now.”
            Then why do you keep your account active?

ArizonaSunDa**: “interesting sexy women apply”
            Well, sir, it helps if the seeker is interesting and sexy first. But no worries. It’s not like your headline puts pressure on us ladies.

Electric******: “Shark bait hoo haha!
            Anyone from our generation has to love this one. Agreed?

I hope you found these as funny or ridiculous as I did.